Tag Archives: heart

Annihilation and Chaos

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I miss somebody. But I don’t know who it is.  Someone thought my eyes were flowers, and used a watering can. The feverent stream of tears, cascading down my face,are now looking for a more suitable place to land. All I really know is that my heart hurts. I want to take my marbles and make a new home for myself. On a different planet. Far away from here. I want to leave skid marks on the way out the door. I am angry. I am sad. I am astonished but not in a good way. 

Dressed in Black. Ready to kill. to Annihilate. Mission Accomplished. A happy day at the movies…even more enchanting since it was late in the evening. Happens to be one of my favorite super heroes. My son declared he must have all things Batman when he was a Toddler. Batman Cape, Batman Cars, Batman Costume~ head to toe. My stomach is sick. I wish I could be the elephant in the living room. I wish it would just go away. I wish I could just minimize it as another crazie person lashing out at innocent victims. I’ve recently experienced the dominoe  effect of a tragedy that happened close to home. How very many people  become shattered hearts in an unexpected instant. How many lives get changed. The tinge of darkness and despair,lurking silently or not so silently at their hearts door……The extent of this horror…I cannot begin to fathom. I don’t want to. I don’t want any part of it. Yet I am part of it, because I am an American. Still proud to be an American. But I am losing my hope in humanity.

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True Confessions of an Artichoke Lover!

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      So…here I sit at my computer. “It is a Saturday nite and I ain’t got nobody…I got some money, cuz I just got paid….” ok I lied a little. I have my two most loyal companions a girl could hope for. My two pupster doggies, who are ALWAYS glad to see me! The husbands…didn’t quite turn out as loyal or full of glee to see the marvelous me…, but that is another story entirely. Artichokes represent soooo much goodness for me!

I was living in adventure filled Delray Beach Florida for 18 years, and I was on my way out! I was moving BACK to my beloved California and I was in that dreary state of packing up boxes and feeling very lonely but hopeful about my new life in Cali….My loneliness drove me to the grocery store where I always find comfort and strength. Aha!  There before me…stood the most gorgeous ARTICHOKE I had ever set eyes on!    I hadn’t dared eat one  since I set foot in Florida and there it was….”egging me on” so to speak!

I obsconded with my secret treasure and immediately found myself deeply imbedded in my ritual of cooking my artichoke to perfection with the savory flavors of  olive oil…rosemary,…and my delicious concoction of mayo….lemon..soy sauce and wine, And …there you have it!!!  The irresistable, unmistakenely, delectable, religious ritual of uncovering …the art and finesse of eating and  discovering the JOYS of being an Artichoke Lover!

Let me …let YOU…in on one of my biggest….secrets…when it comes to Artichokes!  This very enchanting….down right Gorgeous Man …who insisted on calling me  “Nut brown Maiden”…is the one who gave me Artichoke Lesson 101 at  “the very prestigious….”everybody who is any body, wants to be seen here, kind of organic,scene and be seen kind of  restaurant”. Davoods” in Mill Valley California! …Hmmm….a mere….38 years ago! And….I was TOTALLY young and in my Hey day and knew everything about anything!!

One of the most beautiful, delicious places I frequented in my twenties, and wish I could go back  to right now will always be DAVOODS! It was BEAUTIFUL…Had live gorgeous plants EVERYWHERE and all the food was natural, organic, and delicious!! I saw my hero…Joni Mitchell there one evening and it solidified my belief that this was the best place to be on the planet…but alas …it has now  been “replaced” with something with not nerely the finesse of Davoods!  But let’s not digress…. herin…lies my tulmultuous meeting with the ever spellbound glory and  power of the Artichoke!

I have to say. It teeter tottered on being one of the most  sensual, spiritual experiences of my life! Every time I now …allow myself the ritual of a lifetime….eating and experiencing an Artichoke…..my life….”unravels before me!”

Ok…so first you gently take a leave off of the treasured artichoke …dip it in whatever wonderful sauce that has been “created” and savor the unique flavors…..well you continually do this until you get to the “real heart of the matter” which happens to be the most delicious part of the Artichoke…THE  HEART!  You have to really WORK to get to the heart of the matter, but it totally rewards you!  If you have used the right “utensils” and you have loyally followed all the right directions….you end up a happy camper.!

The silver lining…is this!  You’ve done all this physical work to get to the heart of the matter. The  discarded …”.leafy baggage” is left all over the side roads of “pain or disdain”. Once you reach the heart of the matter, the REAL HEART of the ARTICHOKE…..the baggage seems very insignificant.

IF ….I would dissect my life…as carefully as I pull off the delicious leaves of the artichoke…..if I would take a careful look…at each leaf in life….before I devour it…perhaps….I would get to the “heart of the matter” with abit more steadfast intensity and less drama for all involved!   The artichoke always offers me …a delicious…adventurous journey. Not all Artichokes are created equal. Just like boyfriends and girlfriends, you must choose very carefully!

I had a rough day today. I came home to my loyal “companions” , who greet and welcome me with great love  all the time no matter what,and there lay…in the refrigerator…. an incredible Artichoke…all ready for me to embrace and dissect and discover ….my true journey…in …”getting to the heart of the matter, in the most delicious of ways!”

So….I did it. I devoured that great Artichoke and felt wonderful inside and out! Ah….the glories of the Artichoke!!!!!  It won’t EVER tell your secrets…..and it will always help you feel DELICIOUS INSIDE!!

“LUV U BYE!” A Single Mom’s Guide To Serenity.

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My son Dakoda and I made a pact a long time ago. If we ever had to leave each other when we were still having a disagreement,we would always say “Luv U…BYE!”..no matter what. He is now 12 years old: a month away from being a teenager. It’s a bright beautiful morning in Delray Beach Florida and we’re on our way to school…late! We are not morning people.We’re night owls who thoroughly enjoy playing loud music and giggling,and dancing the night away. Morning always comes too soon and we scurry around trying to get out the door to school and work. I usually play my Mom role correctly and shoo him off to bed at  an early enough hour to get his proper rest.However, this was one of those mornings when everything went wrong and we were both blaming each other for the looming fact that we were now  late.

Our snippy attitudes towards one another escalated into a power play with the radio. If we weren’t going to listen to each other’s complaints, we could at least listen to our common denominator~music. He turned it up full blast. I turned it down and so went our “what seemed to take forever” ride to school.

He haughtily got out of the car, tossed his head in the air, turned back,looked right at me and for a quick moment, he said those treasured words…LUV U BYE! I turned away as if he didn’t exist. He walked slowly off towards the entrance of the school and looked back at me one last time. I had been watching his tall frame disappear into the concrete and when I saw that beautiful face again,I tried to say with my silence that “I wish I said LUV U BYE! to you. I wanted to, but my lips and heart stood frozen in time, and all I could do was watch him disappear into his day..rejected. he had the courage to take the high road,while i drove off down the low road of shame feeling helpless and alone.

I felt a tear trickle down my face as I pulled up to a red light. What is so important about “being right” in a fight or disagreement when you lose everything else?  What if, God forbid,this would be the last time I ever saw my child?

I pulled over and started to write a letter to my son. I acknowledged his bravery. I told him what a treasure he was to me and how much I loved him. I told him I made a mistake and that I was sorry. I sighed a big sigh and I drove back to the school. I got to give him his letter in person, as the nice gentleman in the office called him out of his class.

As he came walking in, a big smile crept onto his face as he spotted me. I could tell he knew why I was there. He read part of the letter, then leaned over,gave me a hug and kiss, and hurried off towards the door. Just before he disappeared this time,he grinned at me and said “LUV U BYE!” I laughed,oh so gratefully back,”LUV U BYE!” My heart felt full and my head was held high as I skipped gleefully back to my car ever so thankful that love and listening to my heart once again prevailed!