The great fresh smell of cut peeled cucumbers always, conjures up the sweetest memories of my Grandmother in the kitchen…one of my favoritist places to be when I was little. She snuck in those tiny little pieces of love in every kind of sandwich she made for us and they were always delicious! I felt it a grande luxury that she would also cut off the crusts of the bread, even tho I grew to love those little crusts, because my Mom always left them on. My Mom and I were the only ones, that I recall, that went for the “heel” of a loaf of bread with great gusto!
So,it came as a great shock to me that I could actually become Anorexic, as I was, and still am, known to consume great amounts of food at every twist and turn in life. The Kitchen was always the main hub of activity growing up, and still is, many moons later, as our families always find ways to meet together for reunions and celebrations of life. I believe healthy thinking and heartfelt soul wisdom, and a body you can rely on and love, stems largely from what we pour into it. Consistent exercise is also right up there.
Well the anorexic thing happened upon me because I suffered from a sudden shocking heartbreak. One day I was married with a toddler. Next day I was on my own with my little one trying my best to navigate this new world I found myself in. My best friend who was getting married, had to keep bringing my maid of honor dress back to the seamstress to take in. I weighed 84 pounds,when my usual was 115. I went to aerobics every day. Front row. Feeling aghast at how fat I “looked”. True story.
After six months of eating only sweet potatoes, hersey bars and coffee,I felt lucky to find my way slowly back to a healthier self image. I attribute most of this to the healthy way I was brought up with food and because of the incredible love and support my family and friends showered onto me. The constant exercise I so ruefully demanded from myself,DID help get rid of toxins, and my self loathing thinking even tho it was WAY over the top of a normal workout routine.
Why, as humans, when we are a victim of something violent, heartbreaking, or abusive, do we blame ourselves?I would never in a million years, pick myself out of a crowd to become befallen with such a fate as anorexia. I don’t fit any of the profiles,but a broken heart can bring on many a cold winter’s chill if you feel alone in the world. It makes me a firm believer that we must align ourselves with good thoughts and good people, and good food and exercise as preventative maintenance, for we never know…what is around the next corner. If we don’t feel like we have a warm blanket of love around us before the snow falls….we could very well fall into the ice cold depths of despair,thinking we are naked, cold, and alone in this world. We are not.