“You’re only as pretty….as you feel…”

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It seems …as tho….as the girls are cleaning the pans from a great Pasta dinner with olives and Vodka sauce..It seems as tho….we are family… that we have all shared together, some sacred things. We have. I cannot deny this. We have been thru thick and we have been thru thin…with eachother. But this night…this nite of the full moon in Springtime…this nite…we share …..mostly in silence,..because REALLY…we are in our own separate lives…but we PRETEND…such a different story with each other…even tho the love runs deep…..it seems as tho…everything is “normal”. But no. The emotional vampires are at work here…..robbing me of …my sanity…my “normalcy”. Have I ever really “had” that? Normalcy I mean. I think life is really a set of “unpredictable journeys”…I don’t want to be on this path any more. I want my own map. I don’t want to be the navigator of someone else’s journey any more. It is time for me! When my life is not a gentle flowing stream of light….my face looks like I got run over by a train. My hair looks like this photo. THis photo reflects my life when things are very uncertain, but I try to put on a happy face anyway.  My taxes were due this day and my tax accountant had been MIA for weeks. It was up to me! OMG! OMG! This is what I look like when things are Not going my way!

Usually …in my life….”I feel Pretty! Oh so pretty!….I feel pretty and witty and bright!” but lately…I feel that someone has turned off the lite……I turn to all the lanterns of light that I know inspire me….and they are all  off on some road less travelled…seeking their own…resurrection…their own….sanctifications….I must trust. “To thine own self be true!” I am alone in this walking wounded journey. I refuse to be the victim. I will rise above the ashes of my own misgivings. I will. I ask for the willingness to be willing….to believe…that I can have…. all that I deserve….the building of my Dynasty…..the hiding of my tears….It has been too long a comin…..it is my turn. I am ready. I am willing. I will play my invisible music of wanting in my head until I can touch….and I can feel …the pretty…ness…that is me…for you really ….are only as pretty as you feel……

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About mamalushka

Thanks for dropping on by! Behold the Tales that shall unfold from the middle child of a family of seven kids, Mother of one son, Early Childhood Educator for thousands of Dancing Toddlers over the years... and now...Happy Author of my first children's book "Freddie and Bibelle" ~ an Extraordinary Encounter between A Dazzling Butterfly Bibelle and a Red Eyed Tree Frog called Freddie! :)

2 responses »

  1. Ashley my friends keep telling me this is the year of change, big things are going to happen, everyone is making life changing transitions. And at first I was like “yeah yeah blah blah blah change..” but yesterday I figured it out. As much as a set routine can feel comforting and secure feeling comfortable has made me feel completely numb and dead inside. For me as out of body it often feels, it’s good to feel uncomfortable because I know I’m really living, doing something new and doing something that gets my blood flowing and my brain working in a way I hadn’t allowed or even thought it could work. This speaker Shelene Bryan yesterday at the TED convention in the OC said something that really got to me and I think by keeping it in the back of my thoughts will help guide me on the roads I’ve been designed to travel, explore, rip up, re build etc..she said.

    “I’m not worried about you guys not succeeding at what you want to do in life, I’m worried that you are going to succeed at something that didn’t matter.”

    And Ash I truly believe real beauty, true, genuine, irreverent beauty shines through when we are at our most vulnerable, unguarded, and raw selves, that’s when that powerful amazing light shines through and shows who we really are, and your light is pretty blinding. ❤

    Like

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