RAPE. It is the unspeakable. For me. STILL. I am 60 YEARS OLD. I have always prided myself on being a sensual woman. Really….since I was a lil kid. I always…always adored the world and everyone in it that came across my way. I always saw and experienced the glass half full. I loved my long swaying hair when I became a striking teenager. I loved that “Del” that handsome debonaire of a guy architect…called me his ” Nutbrown Maiden, and I was his Princess. No one told me. No one warned me. My innocence and my love of life and people…could get me into a world of trouble. I didn’t know.No one told me. No one warned me of the inappropriate glances….of the sutble nuances…no one said…this isn’t right.  Until then. Until…my innocence splintered into a million different pieces like a fire cracker on the fourth of July. Falling like helpless screams in the night of unspeakable terror. No one wants to hear now…what I have to say…no one wanted to hear then….what i screamed to say…..because it was….too much. It was too uncomfortable. I tried. I did. I tried to tell. Heads turned abruptly away from me. From my desperate eyes. They turned away and left me in the dark with all of the horrors. With all of the groping hands, and dirty forceful groans and disgusting,agonizing seconds of sweat and crescendoes of orgasmic agony for some stranger’s addictive, destructive violation of your soul ….forever leaving muddy …dirty footprints… marking your body, mind, and spirit,with a Darth Vader tunnel of darkness that you felt you would never awaken from. But. Lucky for me. I always loved my body. I wasn’t going to let this unspeakable…re occurring  horror …shroud my life for too long. I sought council. That ended up …once again…putting me in the wrong hands…at the wrong time….Ah…but there had to be hope somewhere….for me. There had to be someone…I could share my secrets with. My shame. My blame. It is all up to me…..to set me free.  Usually with me…I wear my heart on my sleeve….but in this long….midsummers nites dream…..things are never……what they seem…. I keep the cloak of dark somberness wrapped tightly around my heart and soul and I fend off any bright eyed…blue eyed beautiful coyote boy that has the audacity to think….he can just climb inside  that empy hole and nestle  comfortably amongst the tear stained windows  of my soul…He thinks that I don’t know……Hah! He hopes no scars will show. No love can really fill…the hole that once was whole.


About mamalushka

Thanks for dropping on by! Behold the Tales that shall unfold from the middle child of a family of seven kids, Mother of one son, Early Childhood Educator for thousands of Dancing Toddlers over the years... and now...Happy Author of my first children's book "Freddie and Bibelle" ~ an Extraordinary Encounter between A Dazzling Butterfly Bibelle and a Red Eyed Tree Frog called Freddie! :)

3 responses »

  1. Not even rape silenced your song, your voice. Evil was done to you and yet you are still a sweet songbirdie. Thank you for this.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s